When Menopause Steals More Than Sleep

Menopause Stole My Spark - How I Got It Back Through Sport

Let's talk about menopause, shall we? That delightful life phase that nobody properly prepares you for, where your body stages a full-scale rebellion and takes your confidence hostage in the process.

Hot flashes, brain fog, mood swings - menopause didn't just change my body, it stole every ounce of my confidence. I felt like a stranger in my own skin, and not in a good "ooh, mysterious stranger" kind of way. More like "who the hell is this sweaty, forgetful, emotional wreck and what has she done with me?"

The Symptoms Nobody Mentions

Everyone knows about hot flushes - those delightful moments when you go from normal to "is the building on fire?" in approximately three seconds. But nobody warns you about the rest of it.

The brain fog that makes you forget words mid-sentence. Standing in rooms with absolutely no idea why you're there. Forgetting your colleague's name even though you've worked with them for five years. Reading the same paragraph four times and still having no clue what it says. The worst one is putting things in a safe place; this is my speciality. When I am putting it there, I’m thinking this is a genius idea, I will never forget this place. But I do every time. I simply don’t learn.

The mood swings that turn you into an emotional rollercoaster nobody wants to ride. One minute you're fine, the next you're at the kitchen sink, then you're irrationally frustrated at your husband for breathing too loudly. The poor man didn't know whether to hide or runaway.

The sleep disruption that leaves you exhausted but wired, lying awake at 3am thinking about every embarrassing thing you've ever done since 1983. Of all the things you should have done, places you could have been, people you should have seen. Then finally falling asleep twenty minutes before your alarm goes off.

Looking like you are pregnant because you are bloated after every single meal. This doesn’t agree with you, you can’t eat this, you can’t eat that.

But worse than all the physical symptoms were what it did to my sense of self.

Losing Yourself in the Change

I'd always been reasonably confident, capable, someone who could manage what life threw at her. Then menopause arrived and suddenly I wasn't sure of anything anymore.

Was I being irrational or was that a legitimate concern? Was I overreacting or was everyone else being unreasonable? Was I losing my mind or were these just hormones? The constant second guessing was exhausting. It took me off guard because I had never been grumpy or irrational when I had my period and I survived pregnancy without being too hormonal.

I felt like I was disappearing into this new version of myself that I didn't recognise or particularly like. The brain fog made me feel stupid (I was used to forgetting things), but this was much worse than usual. The hot flushes made me feel conspicuous and uncomfortable. My emotions made me feel out of control. The physical changes made me feel like my body had betrayed me. Dry eyes, dry skin, wobbly spells, tears, arthritis, bunions, sore this, sore that.

And nobody really talks about it, do they? It's this massive life transition that affects every single aspect of your existence, but we're all supposed to just quietly get on with it while pretending everything's fine.

The Confidence Crisis

The worst part wasn't the physical symptoms - as grim as those were - it was what menopause did to my confidence. I started doubting everything. My abilities at work. My relationships. My worth. My future.

I'd look in the mirror and not recognise the woman staring back. She looked tired, older, defeated. Where had I gone? When had I disappeared and been replaced by this version who felt so unsure of everything?

Social situations became harder because I was convinced everyone could tell I was struggling. Staff meetings filled me with dread because what if I forgot what I was saying mid-sentence? (This happened more than once, utterly mortifying). Simple decisions felt overwhelming because my brain couldn't seem to process information properly anymore.

I started avoiding things. Making excuses. Staying home more. It felt safer than risking public failure or embarrassment.

When Sport Became My Lifeline

I won't pretend that training for a triathlon cured my menopause symptoms - it didn't. I still had hot flushes (try having one in a wetsuit, it's a special kind of hell). I still had brain fog (forgot my race number more than once, thank goodness for tattoos and wristbands). I still had emotional outbursts but as always, I kept these to myself.

But sport gave me back something menopause had stolen. A sense of control.

I couldn't control my hormones, but I could control showing up to training. I couldn't control the hot flushes, but I could control my effort in the pool. I couldn't control the brain fog, but I could control following my training plan.

Small Victories Against the Chaos

Every training session was proof that I was still capable of hard things. Every small improvement - swimming an extra 100 metres, cycling up that hill without stopping, running over 10km - was evidence that my body could still do amazing things, even while going through menopause.

The physical challenge of training actually helped with some symptoms. Better sleep (I was exhausted, so when my head hit the pillow that was it). Improved mood (endorphins are magical feel-good vibes). More energy (sometimes). And the sense of achievement that came from doing something difficult gave me back the confidence that menopause had stolen.

I started feeling like myself again. Not the pre-menopause version - that woman was gone and wasn't coming back. But an updated version who was tougher, more determined, more resilient. A version who'd been through menopause and said, "is that all you've got?" before signing up for a Half Ironman.

Reclaiming Your Spark

If menopause has stolen your spark, I'm here to tell you it's not gone forever - it's just hiding. Waiting for you to go looking for it. And sometimes you find it in the most unexpected places, like at the bottom of a swimming pool at 6am or halfway up a hill on your bike.

Your spark doesn't have to come from sport - though I highly recommend it. It could come from art, writing, starting a business, learning a language, traveling, any challenge that demands you show up and prove you're still capable of growth and change.

The point is giving yourself something that's entirely yours, that menopause can't touch, that reminds you who you are beyond the symptoms and the struggle.

Menopause might have changed your body, but it doesn't get to define who you are or what you're capable of. You're not past it. You're not done. You're not less than you were.

You're just at the beginning of a different chapter, and this one might surprise you even more than the last.